10.4.17

Fun fact. I love legal pads. Interestingly enough, I’ve long since been obsessed with the allure of them. Not sure if it stems from wanting to be a lawyer for so much of my life, or just wanting to feel important; either way, I never really pass on the opportunity to write. I’m the exact same way with post it notes. I used to write my journal entries at work on post its, in between calls, down to the call center. Now I’m using legal pads. The big ones are mildly intimidating, I much prefer the smaller pages, but any legal pad will do.

Some where along my start this morning I felt convicted, for sure as I sat in the back of the uber on my route to work. There inside me felt this massive weight of conviction, guilt that I am not working hard enough, doing enough to propel myself forward. Don’t you just love|hate when those moments creep their way into your consciousness? I swear. Yet, with as much as I’ve been able to accomplish in LA thus far I’m left knowing that there is so much more to be done, because the fact of the matter is I am only actually providing a small application of work|effort on my end, and that doesn’t please me. It does not serve me well.

“When you have meditation, thats where prosperity comes.”

I watch this video almost as nearly as much as I think about it. We all want to be great; greater even; blazoned with dreams, goals, and great aspiration. In doing so, I find myself interested in examining my own processes. The things that I say, my actions, thoughts, expectations, so many of the things that correlate with the person I believe myself to be. From Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday’s, to The Four Agreements, and other daily doses of inspiration, all are utilized to ground myself into a clean consciousness.

I think it is a shared experience. Whether we have trust issues, insecurities, or even feel the need to please others, all of what we fulfill comes from the way in which we think. It is imperative that we guard our thoughts and take consideration the way we feel about the things that we say, and the things that are said to us.

What I have come to know is that “you can’t use anything that I tell you against me,” because I told you, and so I won’t let you. If I deem myself something then that is it. I am what I say I am, communicated verbally or non, and if I am not conscious or respective of the belief I have over myself, that changes.

I am in control of my person and I make it my business not to allow others any access to control over that space. Life is filled with criticism, hate, and the opinions of others, making it extremely difficult at times to hear even our own voices. For me, one thing I hate to hear someone say is that “You are just too much,” or anything to that affect grinds my gears. In part, because I have had to deal with that struggle and moments of feeling like my mouth, my behavior and actions were excessive.

It made me feel like there was something wrong with every part of me and to hear it now, I have to actively combat that expectation, because I no longer make that agreement with myself. I am not too much. I am adequate. I am decisive. Or, I am articulate and assertive, self aware, I am a boss! Get the picture? I refute any inkling of negative connotation a person might try and set on me with adjectives that purport the things that I find necessary to be successful; prosperous, in achieving that greatness we all so incessantly desire.

Let me know if this is helpful in your experience and any takeaways you get from the video.