#XD30-five-I Do

If I were to get married tomorrow I know exactly who my husband would be. Well, kind of, and this is all predicated on the idea that I would get to pick, and that my chosen partner would just as easily accept my nuptial offering. We had a conversation on The Sunday Afternoon Podcast this week where I eluded to my marriage. More specifically, the fact that I have a good two and half men (I consider them to be gentlemen callers) that I would be perfectly content in marrying. I know that sounds strange, but when you think about it, just how strange of an idea is it?

I believe in the idea of soulmates. I believe that I have met mine, before, and for whatever the reason our stars have not aligned, and I am okay accepting the fact that we don’t end up together. Really, I have no choice but to be. That was a struggle, it’s not something easy to get over, nor is it easily understood. I would consider him my forever number one on the list of suitors. I make mention of that situation only because it’s left me mildly jaded in several ways. One of the lessons it taught me is the fact that in many instances relationships come down to a partnership and commonality of comfort, and convenience. A lot of the times that’s the sole reason people stay in forever relationships, not because there is this mystical feeling or uncanny tie to the other individual, but because they have lived life (as they know it) with that person for so long it’s something that they are not interest in living without. But, I digress. In no way is that an ideal situation for me, but it got me to thinking that I have to be ok with a second best. When I say second best, I just mean someone who isn’t him. No Mr. Big to my Carrie Bradshaw and that is just fine!  I had an unworldly experience with that man and I would be a total fool to try and compare it or hold anyone else to that standard, the level of intimacy, connective intimacy that we had is unmatched, uncanny, and I highly doubt it will ever happen again. 

That being said, when I found the willingness to move on I realized that we’re all preparing ourselves for marriage at this age anyway! HELLO! I’m thirty. I would be lying if I said I was out here getting to know people just for the hell of it. I am absolutely grooming (and being groomed) for my husband. 

The other two prospects are perfect in completely different ways. Naturally I’m more interested in one than the other because that’s the way I operate. When I’m getting to know someone I really take the time to vest a shit load of attention into them. I’ve never been a serial dater or any good at of it, because all of my energy just gravitates to the one who’s at the top of the list. Laurè said that the idea that I’d be fine marrying one of them means I don’t love either, but I disagree. I can honestly say that I love them both. I’m not in love with either, but I love them both, romantically. Also, I don’t accept the idea that my feelings for one negates the feelings I have for the other. I know both of these men in a capacity that has led me to believe that I could spend the rest of my life with them, both, I think. 

Ultimately, you can only know a person as much as they will allow. And I’ve thought about that just as much. It makes me think of other cultures of the world. All those arranged marriages, where all you have is your faith and a responsibility to meet a person where they are. Learn their behaviors, learn who they are and really be with them. All roads really lead to companionship, and that’s something you can have with, well truth be told, anyone. 

I may not be getting married tomorrow, but I’m lowkey planning my wedding! If I was held at gun point and demanded to pick a man and marry him, I can rest assured that I’m readily prepared to spend a lifetime with the man of at least one of my dreams.

Would you attend my wedding?

Upon invite, of course! At twenty eight years old, there is no denying the fact that I live in a world filled with engagements, weddings, and baby showers. They completely surround me; either at home or work, its an age where you’ve no choice but wonder the decisions being made over your life. I’ll admit, this isn’t the first time I started to plan my own wedding or come up with baby names for that matter, and in my adult life. Moreover, as a single person! But, I won’t be judged.

A few weeks ago, shortly after the Unites States Supreme Court made history in recognizing the fact that the constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage, I had an epiphany as I discussed marriage with my best friend. He is straight, happily married, and is a father  to the most beautiful baby boy. The ruling was announced and he wanted to know my thoughts on the issue. No strangers to open, honest communication amongst one another, we gave our stance and thats when I had a moment of realization.

In nearly a decade of friendship, adult friendship at that, it had never occurred to me that my best friend would not be my best man. I made a joke about him being the best man at my wedding after we shared our difference in opinion and he was almost baffled at the idea that it was something I had not come to accept; however the reality of the situation was that its something that hardly ever crosses my mind in any capacity.

What may be one of the more precious gems of this friendship, and so many alike that I share personally, is that my sexuality rarely rears itself visibly. Sure, I am accepted, or seemingly so, but I’m grateful that I share in the experience of relationship that is not predicated on anything other than my being. My identification as gay is not the basis of my friendship. Nevertheless, I could hardly fathom joining one in holy matrimony and not having my closest friend an active participant.

It made me think. Is it possible to accept someone for who they are and not support all of who they are? Is a refusal to attend my wedding an act of rejection? Is friendship contingent on only the things that we appreciate or perceive to be viable from others? I was filled with questions, and they weren’t just because of one best friend. This was what felt like an encompassing of gray area on my life. From family to friends I was bracing myself in an effort to accept, myself, that I experience a multitude of love with people in my life that do not all agree with my lifestyle. And that is perfectly fine.

I drove to work with this realization the next day, eyes filled with tears stained. Not at mourning or any lose. I had already come to the understanding that no difference in opinion will be indicative of love, respect, of friendship. His unwillingness to accept my wedding invitation means nothing to me. It has nothing to do with me and taking it personally would only prove itself nugatory. We each have a basis of idea, opinion, or belief that is telling of our own lives and the way we see the world. We see things differently. We see each other.

The supreme courts decision of marriage equality is to ensure that the right to marry is upheld and respected across this country, fundamental rights are inalienable and need to be afforded to all persons. That decision has absolutely nothing to do with the faith, mission, or purpose of anyone who might feel differently.

The tears that I cried that morning were engulfed with an enormity of gratitude, grace and favor. To  know and experience the love of God, family and friends; those I’d not even be foolish enough to question there attendance, is what took me in. That foundation in which dreams are made of, and mine increasingly realized.

Be honest! Let me know if you’d come to my wedding! You can share why or why not in the comments below!

See you Sunday,

PS If I were wearing a dress it would undoubtedly be the one photographed above.