#XD30-five-I Do

If I were to get married tomorrow I know exactly who my husband would be. Well, kind of, and this is all predicated on the idea that I would get to pick, and that my chosen partner would just as easily accept my nuptial offering. We had a conversation on The Sunday Afternoon Podcast this week where I eluded to my marriage. More specifically, the fact that I have a good two and half men (I consider them to be gentlemen callers) that I would be perfectly content in marrying. I know that sounds strange, but when you think about it, just how strange of an idea is it?

I believe in the idea of soulmates. I believe that I have met mine, before, and for whatever the reason our stars have not aligned, and I am okay accepting the fact that we don’t end up together. Really, I have no choice but to be. That was a struggle, it’s not something easy to get over, nor is it easily understood. I would consider him my forever number one on the list of suitors. I make mention of that situation only because it’s left me mildly jaded in several ways. One of the lessons it taught me is the fact that in many instances relationships come down to a partnership and commonality of comfort, and convenience. A lot of the times that’s the sole reason people stay in forever relationships, not because there is this mystical feeling or uncanny tie to the other individual, but because they have lived life (as they know it) with that person for so long it’s something that they are not interest in living without. But, I digress. In no way is that an ideal situation for me, but it got me to thinking that I have to be ok with a second best. When I say second best, I just mean someone who isn’t him. No Mr. Big to my Carrie Bradshaw and that is just fine!  I had an unworldly experience with that man and I would be a total fool to try and compare it or hold anyone else to that standard, the level of intimacy, connective intimacy that we had is unmatched, uncanny, and I highly doubt it will ever happen again. 

That being said, when I found the willingness to move on I realized that we’re all preparing ourselves for marriage at this age anyway! HELLO! I’m thirty. I would be lying if I said I was out here getting to know people just for the hell of it. I am absolutely grooming (and being groomed) for my husband. 

The other two prospects are perfect in completely different ways. Naturally I’m more interested in one than the other because that’s the way I operate. When I’m getting to know someone I really take the time to vest a shit load of attention into them. I’ve never been a serial dater or any good at of it, because all of my energy just gravitates to the one who’s at the top of the list. Laurè said that the idea that I’d be fine marrying one of them means I don’t love either, but I disagree. I can honestly say that I love them both. I’m not in love with either, but I love them both, romantically. Also, I don’t accept the idea that my feelings for one negates the feelings I have for the other. I know both of these men in a capacity that has led me to believe that I could spend the rest of my life with them, both, I think. 

Ultimately, you can only know a person as much as they will allow. And I’ve thought about that just as much. It makes me think of other cultures of the world. All those arranged marriages, where all you have is your faith and a responsibility to meet a person where they are. Learn their behaviors, learn who they are and really be with them. All roads really lead to companionship, and that’s something you can have with, well truth be told, anyone. 

I may not be getting married tomorrow, but I’m lowkey planning my wedding! If I was held at gun point and demanded to pick a man and marry him, I can rest assured that I’m readily prepared to spend a lifetime with the man of at least one of my dreams.

It’s a wrap! The Sunday Afternoon: Top 5

I come across so many things in my newsfeed during the week. Believe it or not, I pretty much read or watch everything that comes through. I love pop culture, just like the rest of you. Beyond that, I really do pride myself on supporting my friends. So, since I’m still single, still having difficulty maneuvering friendship, and still mildly undisciplined, (when it comes to sticking to these self proposed deadlines) I’ve decided to implement a blog series. On Saturday’s, the day I find myself bored and catching up on sleep, I will post The Sunday Afternoon: Top 5. These are the things I found most engaging this week that you may share in similar interest with or find beneficial as well. Without further adieu, in no particular order:

1. T.D. Jakes Isn’t Homophobic; You Just Weren’t Listening Clearly

During his interview with Marc Lamont Hill, the Potter’s House pastor stated his beliefs on the black church and LGBT community, so what part of that didn’t you understand? 

Michael Arcenaux, mentioned here before, is an amazing writer. He actually gave me his email address a few weeks ago and provided me with insight and advice when it comes to being a writer. I have followed him for years. I love his style and his offering feels close to mine. He contributes to so many outlets, but he took to The Root to share this story. It was a great read. If you didn’t, you should check out the interview T.D. Jakes did with Huff Post Live too. But, you’ll find I agree with him, Bishop Jakes does a good job balancing the issue and as common as his sense should be, he is proving to be completely progressive in terms of the LGBT community and the church.


2. My friend Stephanie Williams is a boss. She started her own business a couple of years ago, Bella Mechelle Cosmetics, offering affordable handmade skin products, and she goes after her dreams head on. I love it. It is awe inspiring for me to see her, a college graduate, mother of two, walk boldly into the direction of her dreams! #BOSSUP. Recently she started a blog, bossladydreams.com and she offers so much real life transparent experience that we don’t get from the movers or shakers in “the business” Check out her blog and skin care line.


3. Janet Mock, So Popular! I’m so glad she’s back. Janet is another one of my great inspirations and heroes. I love everything about her and I could go on gushing for days. She took a two week hiatus but she is back on MSNBC Shift every friday unpacking the biggest stories in pop culture. I often hasten to her opinion! You can catch her show every Friday at 11AM or find and tweet her on twitter.

4. I don’t care who you are, everyone should have something to aspire to. If you are not one to implore the use of vision boards, which is totally fine, s11379096_1152747934750669_515563061_nometimes it is easier to see yourself in someone else. No, not in a creepy way. But in a way where you can appreciate the work, relativeness, ambition, or styling of another. Someone who aesthetically agrees with the same things you are gravitating towards. Put your IG crushes aside and pick out the person you identify with. Mine is Twaun Samuel. I started following him on instagram years ago. He is deeply dapper and his look is how I see myself, grown up, you know? living my real life. It’s constant motivation. Since then, I’ve found that he’s a writer, (like me) gay, (like me) and a lawyer in DC serving for a congresswoman (like me, as soon as I get through law school)  

5. My favorite show on TV right now is POWER! It is so good. I wasn’t able to get into Empire, but this show puts me on pins and needles every episode. I didn’t think it could get any better but last weeks episode has to be the best so far. The cast, acting, and writing are all on 10 and the season premiere is on tonight! I will be watching!


Well, that’s five! And, that concludes this weeks wrap up. If you happen to be into any of the five mentioned or if you did get the time to check any of them out, let me know what you think. I’m interested. Also, if you’re like me and find yourself clinking on links through the week, take a second and bookmark them so you can share them with me here! Support is a two way street and I am grateful for yours. Finally, don’t forget to subscribe and rate the podcast, The Sunday Afternoon.

See you Sunday.