LA: Month 1

I find myself navigating more and more to the balconies of LA. No matter where you are, you can look and find an apartment adorned with a patio or porch. That’s one thing that reminds me of home. I spent so many of my years on the porch of my great grandmothers’ home. I can recall the changes built around it, when there were two small IMG_7227houses next door, that now rest an empty lot. Before and after the remodel, or before it became the property of my grandmother. Back when my great great grandma chuck was still there, memories of after school pickups, soap opera watching and badminton playing.

It is easy to sit on the porch and be filled with all the warmth of home. But there is also this presence of guilt I feel oh so far away. Before I left home I wanted to be unstoppable. So much so that I prayed that nothing would get in the way of my departure. I remember having dreams that my family would experience a detrimental moment and I prayed that should anything occur, God just let it happen after I’ve left.

There is no preparation for homesickness. It comes unprecedented and you can’t place a barometer around those feelings until you actually feel them. Homesick feels like fear and anxiety. Like a void of emptiness, loneliness.

IMG_0441Soon after I got to LA I learned of the power in that prayer. My great grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer, a great aunt of mine with skin cancer, and my great uncle passed as well. Up until this point I was walking the streets of LA with just the small guilt of being far removed from the everyday life of my immediate family, but this happenstance magnified that experience for me. I didn’t even think there would be a response that would allow me to assuage the entirety of that burden of guilt.

I’m grateful for every aspect of my journey in LA. Primarily because I stand firmly knowing that I made the very best decision for my life. I can hardly believe all the things I have been able to IMG_7746accomplish. Like, I have literally worked in the business (that’s what they call it out here) every week since I’ve landed. I have been a PA on different lots and sets all over Los Angeles. I secured full time employment and I continue to meet incredible, like minded people who are both showing and telling of what feels like the best season of my life. Although I miss home, I no longer walk the streets feeling displaced or burdened. I walk with my chin held high, I’m a king and LA aint got nothing on me.

 

#XD30-four-Lifetime

Some of my fondest memories revolve around Lifetime, Television for Women. I’m not sure when it became a family staple, the movies were always so captivating, about one woman or the next in some sort of struggle or fight to save her own life. This was years ago, before all the options that come with contemporary TV and ratchet reality. I feel like as a family we always found ourselves drawn to a space that was created with the channel. We would commune on the coach, all five or six of us would easily crowd each others space, sharing chips and blankets to cozy around one television screen, together.

A lot of those experiences feel lost with our millennial generation. We spend a lot of time separate, individualized in front of the privacy of the screens of our personal devices to the point where we can miss the chance to continually connect. There are always things that will bring us back. Lifetime still has a hold on me.

We drove through the night and checked into our hotel around 8AM this morning. As easily annoyed as I can be by my family, I love the intimacy of this space. When we turned on the TV to rest up I noticed that we all were watching it together. From Criminal Minds to SVU and finally, Lifetime, we actively participated with each other. Talking back to the screen, asking what was missed when someone stepped out of the room, or even having my sister make me a sandwich when she went to grab her own food, a lot of this day reminds me of childhood.

My mother still asks a million and one questions, as if we all aren’t watching the same movie, or she finds inconsistencies that the production team must have overlooked. There was a movie today that had a young girl treated for an injury in one scene yet in the next her bandage was gone. We still are easily frustrated when the characters make stupid decisions that are common sense, and I can be caught yelling and carrying on just as loudly.

What’s interesting is the fact that just last weekend in MD/DC I found myself having the exact same experience, with friends. A Lifetime movie was on and I was completely captivated! I wanted my friends to watch just as eagerly and I caught myself telling them what was happening, as we watched. I definitely fussed about how stupid I thought the white woman on TV was being,

I probably never watch Lifetime, Television for Women, at home. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a lifetime movie, its not a channel I scope out often and I have no desire to schedule time to watch. But I love how familiar it feels to watch it in the company of others. I now see that it’s something I look forward to, that company of others. In preparation for my move to CA this summer I’m moving back home, into my mom’s house for a few months. That doesn’t excite me, at all, but I can’t wait to actively be with my family. Sharing in that love and the joy of our connection will fuel me and I need to store up on about as much as I can get before I am thrown into a new season of isolation.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE

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Better late than never! I have been looking for a blog challenge, because I haven’t done one in so long, when I stumbled across this gem on IG. It’s the perfect prompt for me because music is such a huge part of who I am. So for the duration of the month, each day I will post a song and blog about the reason I chose it.

I’ll do the first seven days sometime between now and the 30th. I would love for you to participate with me and if you don’t want to write about your song choice, you can always comply with the challenge and share your song of the day with me. This should be fun! 🙂

 

DECEMBER DETOX

time-to-detox

I knew this day was coming, for a while now. For sure, after Thanksgiving, having my great Aunt opine the fullness of my face, I knew I wanted to do things differently. Actually it was my trip to LA that really made me want to sit down and do things differently. You see, my biggest takeaway from that experience was simply to find a way to attach all of the challenges and changes on my master list for increased success and progress. Not to mention the fact that we are literally sitting on the heels of 2017. This year flew by!

I decided I wanted to challenge myself. There are so many areas of my life where I find weakness. More often than not, I know the things that I need to do to become greater, I’ve just always had an issue executing them, an overwhelming amount of laziness has always placed its hand on the back of my neck.

I took those feelings and coupled them with my LA takeaways and found a way to incite a change in me, this 30 day detox. Going into December is all about finding ways to prepare myself for 2017. I am committing myself to taking the next 30 days to be even greater, still, with a challenge to increased wellness and balance; physically, emotionally, and spiritually, mentally. I want to renew and rejuvenate myself in so many ways so the details entail a variety of changes. Diet and exercise primarily, Ill be eating a whole lot cleaner, like a lot. And although it calls for no caffeine, I’m not willing to compromise on one cup of coffee, prepped my way, daily. I’ll be waking up earlier, running daily, and even challenging myself financially.

I woke up yesterday morning hesitant, kind of grappling the weight of committing myself to a whole month detox challenges. I sat in the bed and calmly searched my mind for an answer, because I was feeling like I lacked preparedness. Yet, when I thought about that, how I wasn’t ready to change my lifestyle, was reason enough to take the plunge.

Here goes nothing! I woke up this morning, day 1, December 1, 2016, early and starving. While I’m still unsure of what breakfast looks like, I’m ready.  This detox will be coupled with a VLOG! For the next thirty day I’ll be sharing my feelings on video for all the world devour.

yikes.