a friendly reminder .

Somewhere along the way I quit writing for myself.  I even journal a whole lot less than what I was holding myself to just a few months ago. Why? Who knows. I’m sure if I took the time to think about it there would be a million and one reasons persistent, but I don’t see the value in that. Life happens, we all have shit going on but the most difficult aspect, for me, is remembering to put my own vision first, because it’s mine, and it was gifted to me. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to post for weeks now, but what truly prompted me tonight was coming across a FB live post by @joresab this evening. I spend a lot of my time in fear of doing things alone. Which parallels right into the podcast I’m doing this week, I spent labor day weekend in Atlanta. I went alone. I drove alone. I stayed alone. This trip was a reawakening, or maybe a reimagining of my own independence. The power that we each inaptly possess, unknowingly. I look forward to talking about it on tomorrows episode. But there is this fear that I seem to equate with being alone that is low-key holding my whole life hostage and yielding me to be stagnant. That crosses all lines; professionally and personally, that fear tends to keep me suppressing most of what I need out of life. It is something to think about, indeed.

I am not sure, but I get it. The lesson is major for me because a lot of the times I can be the complete opposite of housing that ownership which is completely required for growth.

This is my vision, my platform, no matter how small or minuscule it can feel, and my purpose. I think we need to realize that we have to pour into our own projects, and our platforms with the same intensity and fervor that we do to those around us. Even when you think about getting a new position at a new job, or an internship, or an opportunity to participate in someone else’s dreams effectively, nothings wrong with that, but don’t forget not to sell yourself short. That is what I have always done so easily. So I am super grateful for this reminder.

#relationshipgoals.

I have been actively pursuant of a relationship, with myself, for a few weeks. And, from my  “first date” I realized that I don’t act like a single person; rather my mind hasn’t been single in quite some time. I took myself out to the movies, had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and even had a margarita! I was so impressed with the fact that I enjoyed my time out, with myself, alone. Especially because I spend so much time alone, it was great to come to the realization that I can have a good time out here in these streets, all by myself.

I think that’s probably one of the more important things to come to terms with, as an adult, friendships and relationships just require a certain discipline to maintain and you have to get used to the idea of spending time alone. That’s probably been my biggest hurdle and the toughest to get accostumed to. I’ve already learned a few things though: 1. Going to see a romantic comedy at night is not the best idea (i.e. The Perfect Match ) 2. When dining alone, stay clear of margaritas. They will have you thinking, and searching, and wishing, and praying for a man, any man. I digress.

As a people we don’t spend nearly enough time finding ways to discover who we are, alone. It’s not something that we’re taught. I find that to be interesting and complex because when I think of my own family I can remember my mother being alone for years. Her focus and discipline was fixed on raising her children and in hindsight it’s much easier to notice that she lacked the companionship of a partner. Even my great grandmother, she’s the matriarch of the family, an older woman, and she’s spent the majority of even her adult life, alone. It’s disheartening. Again, something I don’t think I’ve ever considered growing up; however, as an adult I’m able to note that her experience, and that of many of the people in my family, does not fit into the idea or fantasy of happiness that I assumed would consume my life, by thirty.

Social media helped to shape the fantasy of #relationshipgoals. You can search through the hashtag all over the gram or fb and you’ll find endless images of people in these picturesque relationships. It is a facade, a glimpse of happiness, or what appears to be happiness; however, more often than not that glow of happiness is stationary, forced and captured in stillness, and that’s the extent of it. Destroying #singleselfesteem one post at a time.

Just take a look and survey the people in your life. The advice you’re giving your friend about living their best life, putting themselves first, or even communicating honestly with their partner that things aren’t working anymore. Perception increasingly becomes reality and the reality of the situation is that we find ourselves in these situations, these relationships that are actually pleas, or bargains to just stay together because its consistent, convenient and pacifying.

Sex is another factor of disillusionment. It will make you believe in something you should not, not to mention have you sacrificing ideals, morals, and the needs of your own just to fulfill, or feel complete. From Meagan Good and Devon Franklin to Ciara and Russel Wilson, I’m being moved to take a vow of celibacy. No joke. Eliminating sex may not bring me my husband, but I think it’ll make way from him. Also, it will give me the chance to shape myself without the need of it.

Needless to say, I’m finding ways to challenge the things that I have been conditioned to believe. Especially in terms of relationship. Life’s journey is one that filled with change so there is no fault in experience, we are all just finding ways to be greater.